Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
