I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
