Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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