Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
