btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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