I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
