I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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