I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
