I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just forgot I was standing up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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