i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
