Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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