pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
