ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
