My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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