I've blown a few things in my day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
