Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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