When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
