Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
