I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
