I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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