u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
