It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
