one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Randomize
