You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
