I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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