there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
