Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
