You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
