I cannot find my penis.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
