you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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