you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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