I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
