Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
