Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
