Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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