The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
