Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
you never un-have a 4some
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
