well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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