yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
