I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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