the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
