It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
