He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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