I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
