until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
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A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
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I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This toilet bowl is my home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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