Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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