Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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