I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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