Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
