First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
