just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
