I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
