It's Friday. Sex?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
