just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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