I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had sex on a roof
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
