also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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