i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
