My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
