i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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