If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
