saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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