my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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