I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
