I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
