I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
