GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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