I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
