"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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