Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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