remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
tell me about the fingering
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize