i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
