Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
