This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
