Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
